Losing
Losing
I’m standing in the middle of a riot next to Mat #28. There’s over 70 men fighting at the same time. Fighters. They aren’t foamy ex frat boys at a local bar. Their face bones have changed from the pressure of being pushed into the ground by forearms and knees. Every competitor has at least a half dozen friends and coaches screaming at them to win. If the competitors are cut from stone the crowd was their quarry. I took off my sandals and stood on the concrete. I can feel the yelling through the floor.
My friends told me to enjoy it. That predictable midwestern ability to unenjoy almost anything, even World Championships, in an effort to suffer well being obvious to them. I listened to the screaming and felt the chaos of the fighting. My body is trying to find a way to get me to stop what it knows will be some of the most painful voluntary suffering a human can endure for fun. The nerves are in my legs so I stomp my feet. I’m not somewhere else.
Medics are checking out an injured shoulder.
Be here now.
The match before mine is over by submission.
I’m not distracting myself.
"Matt Eich vs Shedric Lamont"
I must live in a certain way.
The ref waves us on to the mat.
Momentary enjoyment. It’s a win.
Three minutes later and I’ve lost. I got a throw I’ve worked on and was on top in a position called North/South but Shedric escaped well, got on top and choked me using the choke I should have used when I was there. I tapped. He took the chance I missed and won with it- a great competitor.
I can barely see, breathe, or stand up. I tie my belt with lead hands. Ten work outs a week for six weeks, dieting- I chose to cut 12 pounds. Time away from work, family, sitting in the sun of a short summer. Really went for it. A bomb goes off for three minutes and it’s done. It’s kind of beautiful.
Failure isn't part of the process: it is the process. Losing showed me gaps in my game I couldn't see any other way. This is why failing hard works. Its not useful as a badge of honor but it’s an essential way to get information.
We can’t fail hard if we shrug off failure. Lessons don't stick if we don’t feel it. Minimized failures minimizes success. When you really go for the hardest thing for you and fail what then are you free to accomplish?
-Matt